Freaked Out?? Over Reacted???

Today is Sgt. Aguliar's Funeral. He was killed in the line of duty last week.
My heart goes out to wife and kids, I know I never want that knock at my door. When I first heard this story it brought back an incident that had happened about 3 weeks ago.

Marc was working his 2nd job at the Theater and he actually had the early shift. Knowing that both kids were out with friends he called and asked me to meet him for dinner after he got off. Of course I said "Yes", it is not very often just he and I go out to dinner.

After dinner we headed home. Marc in his car and me in mine. He was enough ahead of me I could not see him in front of me. As I was getting on the freeway I noticed the highway patrol on the on ramp with all his lights off and I laughed. I waited for my cell phone to ring and Marc on the other end asking if I had seen him. But he did not call which was unusual. As I got to the prison heading south I noticed the lights of a cop car. My heart began to pound and traffic began slowing down and everyone began to move over to the right or left side of the freeway. As I got closer to the top of the Point, I realized the lights were Marc's. I then began looking in my mirror for the highway patrol guy from the on ramp to come up behind us but he wasn't coming. So as I passed the accident sure enough Marc is in the freeway checking on the people in the vehicles. At this point I was really panicking which is so unlike me, I know what Marc does and I have been at peace with it for years so I thought.

I was just getting off the exit when my phone rang and it was Marc, before he could say anything I asked him if he was Ok. (I think I yelled at him). He said yes but he would be awhile and not to worry. I was well passed the worried stage. When I got home I couldn't believe how I was acting about this. I have always taken the call outs and late nights in stride. But something was different this time, what I don't know but it was. When he finally got home I didn't tell him how worried I was but he knew something was wrong. Which I know surprised him cause I never act like I did.

You would think after 16 years of being a wife of a man who lands of aircraft carrier's, works on a flight line, and now is a cop I would be used to the dangers of the job, but really this is the first time I seen him doing his job. Ok I lie there since we use to work on the flight line together so the military stuff never worried me, cause I did the same thing so that doesn't count. I guess when you yourself don't do the same thing the fear of the unkown sometimes takes over.

My kids were surprised that I was so upset cause they thought I never got worried about dad. Little do they know when that pager goes off early in the morning and Marc hurries is gone in minutes I am awake for awhile but I always calm down quickly and fall back to sleep. Now I have to get back to that peace feeling but how?